Self-awareness is the ability to
understand why you make the questionable choices you do, like reaching for that
extra slice of pizza when you know damn well your stomach is already regretting
the first three. Part of it is about knowing your triggers — those delightful
little landmines that life so generously scatters in your path. The rest comes
with learning how to either react better or, preferably, not react at all.
After all, some situations are best met with a well-timed shrug and a mental
note to start practicing Zen.
But, self-awareness isn’t about preventing
those inevitable explosions. No, it’s
about mastering the art of damage control — how to patch up the blown-up bits
of your psyche before the next bomb goes off. Properly developing self
awareness means being in a constant state of “Well, that happened,” while trying
to convince yourself you’re
evolving into a better human.
The Delusional Dizziness of Expectations
Expectations are a double-edged
sword that have sliced me up more times than I care to admit. There’s such a
thing as reacting too positively to something, and trust me, doing so can
backfire spectacularly. I think beach to ask the times in my youth, and even
young adulthood, when I’d get all worked up about a new TV show or film being
released soon. The anticipation would
be practically dripping off me.
But, as is often the case, these
shows more often than not turned out to be a flaming pile of mediocrity. Almost
every time, I reacted with the grace of a toddler denied a cookie. So,
nowadays, I usually keep my television expectations lower than a limbo bar. Yet
even now, every now and then, something manages to slip under that bar and trip
me up. Still, each time, I end up very disappointed.
While I still fall victim to jilted
expectations, I’ve come to a more evolved understanding about how dramatically
I react to my preconceptions being shattered. So, in the spirit of
self-awareness, I must learn to temper my expectations—especially when it comes
to work.
I can’t tell you the number of
times I’ve
thrown myself headfirst into a new project, expecting it to be my ticket to
fame and fortune, only to end up with little more than a few bucks and a pat on
the back. In freelancing, you quickly learn that most opportunities are exactly
what they seem: one-offs that barely make a dent in your bank account. But hey,
at least I was consistent, in
that I was consistently underwhelmed. So, how did I break that cycle?
A Dose of Reality, Served Cold
Here’s the thing: understanding
your circumstances and then adjusting your expectations accordingly is the
cornerstone of self-awareness. Take it from a former freelance writer who spent
more time calculating how to stretch a dollar than actually earning one. When I
first started, I had sky-high expectations for every client. Towards the end, I
was just hoping they’d
remember to pay me. I spent years undervaluing my work, taking on projects for
peanuts, because the alternative was getting nothing at all.
Oh, let’s
not forget the delightful dilemma of pricing your services. Charge too much, you scare them away; charge
too little, and they wonder if you’re
even competent. So, naturally, I settled for just above minimum wage when I
should’ve
been demanding double. It wasn’t so smart, in retrospect, but I’m still here so
I have the opportunity to learn from my epic fails.
Yet even when you’re painfully aware of your shortcomings, you sometimes
continue the same self-destructive habits out of sheer stubbornness. This is
because the fear of losing out is a powerful motivator, even when the prize isn’t worth the hassle. In
my case, I lost out on plenty of gigs by overthinking or simply not giving a
damn. But hey, at least I didn’t
have to deal with the headache of working for chump change, right?
Eventually, I did something
radical—I decided to recognize my own worth. I raised my rates dramatically,
and — surprise — all but one of my clients disappeared. Fortunately, the one
who stuck around became my life partner, proving that sometimes jacking up your
prices does pay off. It’s hardly a common occurrence, but it makes for a hell
of a story.
The Art of Not Getting Completely Derailed
Fun fact: I have a remarkable
talent for getting off-track. It’s
practically a superpower. In the freelance world, getting sidetracked is just
part of the job, especially when the work you were counting on doesn’t materialize. But
being aware of my tendency to wander off the path doesn’t always help me stay on it. Self-awareness, it seems,
is more about recognizing when you’re
veering off-course and less about actually staying on it.
Face it — life is a series of wins
and losses, with the occasional epic fail thrown in for good measure. The key
is to win just enough to keep you going and to learn from the losses without
letting them drag you into the abyss. You must learn to make decisions that
aren’t
entirely based on impulse. Well, unless that impulse is to do something
spectacularly reckless, in which case, just be sure you know the risks before
you go for it.
For me, writing is the anchor that
keeps me from drifting too far into the void. It’s my therapy, my lifeline, and the one thing that keeps
my self-awareness from spiraling into madness. Everyone has their thing that
keeps them grounded. Wherever it is for you, make sure it’s something that recharges your emotional, mental, and
spiritual batteries. That way, when life throws you a curveball, you’re at least somewhat
prepared to swing and maybe even make contact.
So, you might think your life is
boring or insignificant. But trust me, there’s
always something new to discover about yourself, even if it’s just realizing how utterly clueless you’ve been up until now. We’re all more important to the world than we give
ourselves credit for at any given time.
Once you become aware of that fact, you can start making a
difference—not just for yourself, but for those around you.
If all else fails, just remember
that sarcasm is a perfectly valid coping mechanism.
~ Artemis Desertsong
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